tequilastory

I have this friend (I’ll call him Blake) who is a notorious pisser when he gets drunk. And, as a sidenote, this story actually involves tequila. Now, as a back story, know that the first time I met Blake, he was the biggest shit show I’ve ever seen - banging his head against a door, running into lamps, and snapping a tree in half in the lawn of my friend’s townhouse.

I heard a story once about him that made me nearly die laughing. He was in his girlfriend’s bed, complete with a lovely white down-feathered comforter, naked and still obviously drunk, with morning wood. Now picture this. The boy had to pee, so he did it - right then and there and a waterfall of urine cascaded down onto his girlfriend’s comforter and bare stomach.

A year before I met Blake, one of his friends tragically died in a car accident at age 20, and everyone from her high school attended the viewing. The line spanned several city blocks. For some reason, Blake and his friend thought it would be appropriate to drink a fifth of tequila beforehand. Waiting in the long line, they suddenly realized how badly they needed to pee.

The two drunk nuts, probably reeking of alcohol, ran past the long line and into the place’s vestibule bathroom - only to find just one stall. They rock-paper-scissored to see who would go first, and Blake lost. Then he lost bladder control and peed his suit pants. Yep. A grown adult peeing his pants in a funeral home bathroom. Then, embarassed, he jumped out the window and ran away down a highway.

Now that, my friends, is one original tequila story.

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